Well, It’s been six months since I have written a blog post. I have had a couple of different types of chemo surging through my body, and some radiation. These treatments have taken their toll on my energy level, and writing the blog posts seemed like a good task to fling out the window. I’ve been in survival mode. However, here I am. Still alive. Still here.
I am on a targeted therapy now. Two pills everyday at lunchtime. Two months into this treatment, and I feel stronger than I have in a very long time. However, I am on pain pills that soften the deep ache of cancer, and I need the comfort the pills bring. I have leaned into the guilt of being on opioids, and I am past the need to be off them to save some sort of reputation. The pain won, and I needed help. So, while I “target” cancer cells, which is huge work, I will happily mask my pain.
Oh, but it’s Christmas, and this is a Christmas blog……….
What I really want to share with you, dear reader, is the transformation that has happened in my heart. Recently, I found myself, while driving of course, weeping over the love I have for God. (Lots comes up with me when I am driving.) You see, I have spent the last 7 years in an emotional healing journey that has coincided with fighting cancer. So much emotional healing has occurred, and I can happily report I no longer “leak” love and kindness poured into me by God and others.
I used to have big emotional “holes” which drove me to throw myself at unusual/dysfunctional people for love and affection. Through soul care, counseling, group support and choosing kind friends, these aforementioned holes have filled in a great deal. Now, when someone is kind and loving, I can actually feel it. When I am praying, I can now feel God’s care, and I really sense He hears me, sees me and loves me.
So, yes, much has happened in the last six months. I have much to celebrate. I am healing in many ways, and I still pray God might release me from cancer. On my driving through my tears day, I actually thanked Him for the cancer. Crazy, right? Well, in a mysterious way, the pain, I mean cry out loud pain, has brought me close into the arms of my God. I’ve found it a very safe place full of love.
Isn’t that what Jesus is all about? God with us? He came to us first. Loving us? Why not come to Him this Christmas? I sure have, and it is the best place to be here, and into eternity.
Thanks for reading! God’s blessings on you now, and into the new year.