What a morning with my chemo brain! Chemo brain is not for the faint of heart. Ordering cards and reproductions are hard for my artist brain, on a good day. Then, you add partially fried, chemo brain cells, factor in crazy, self-willed spell check, and my morning’s work of ordering cards from my original watercolor was a wee bit of a challenge! Somehow, miraculously, these cards have all been ordered from the printer.
My next chemo appointment is right around when these are due to arrive at my place. I hope to have the brain function, and the physical strength, to mail out cards by mid-November. I am so thankful to God to have the strength to paint any day during my chemo cycles. And, the capacity to order cards, on top of painting, is nothing short of miraculous. God keeps showing me His grace in the middle of my hard.
I am in the land of being post chemo, but not free of its effects. I have more strength, but not enough to really run around or work all day long. I know how to lie in bed and do nothing but listen to quiet music as I moan from pain. I know how to run around non-stop with lots of energy. However, this land of some energy is a hard one to navigate. I get a spurt of energy and think for a moment that, just maybe, I don’t have stage 4 breast cancer. Maybe I am fine!
That joyous thought is quickly swept away when I get tangled in my yards of oxygen tubing or my side begins to ache because of the cancerous fluid remaining in my right lung. I’m rudely jerked back to my current reality. I am sick. And, it is a long journey to get somewhat better.
Then, I sigh, and begin again, adding layers of bright, happy colors to my painting. God with us – Christmas. God with skin on – Jesus – came to live among us. He humbly started His journey as a baby. I am always amazed at this truth. I take some pain pills for my lung, and quietly worship as I add more layers of beautiful color. Yes, Beauty came to our broken world, and to mine. Even my world of cancer.